I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
