The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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