Me too!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
