Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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