This dress was meant to end up on your floor
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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