Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
