I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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