AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
