a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
