its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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