i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
