you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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