i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
