I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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