She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
