I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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