the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
