i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
