Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
