i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
