I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
