do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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