His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
