If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize