I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
