Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
