Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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