At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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