paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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