I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
