Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
