duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
