what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
