I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
