she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Watching her eat just hurts me
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize