the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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