What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize