My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
only you would photoshop your dick
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
