Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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