I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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