Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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