Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
