All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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