Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
