the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
