You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
