theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
