yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize