me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
