i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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