capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Farmville is her only friend.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
