I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize