no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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