i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
