They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
