You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
