I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
