She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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