thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
