I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
