He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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