hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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