if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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