Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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