So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
