OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I touched a dick in church today
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
