I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize