idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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