have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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