omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm jealous of your bromance
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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