Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
