I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How does one acquire holy water?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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