there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
