I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
