I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
