Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
