Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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