he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
